I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. But nope not to them. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. I had two older Bros, the middle one yr older than me the oldest, 5 yrs older. Parents often believe it's their responsibility to motivate their kids to care about their grades. For example, like going to school. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. I started before noon and it was dark when I had to stop. My mother's parenting, somewhat pushy and demanding, came from the knowledge that life could be harsh and a well intentioned desire for her children to be tough and prepared for anything. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. Parents who value achievement over kindness can have a negative impact on kids' development, study finds. Contact the suicide hotline & call a counsellor & get counselling. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. Poor city, doctors flee from here. And even though I want a career in art and my mom and dad support me, they still talk as if I'm going to end up just like them. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. What NOT to do if you are the parent of a college student. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. I sat in my room crying until i eventually ran out of tears or dad came back from home and hugged me. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. How should I react here? What should I do? I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. All my mom has ever done is try to help. (i'm the eldest) i also remember trying to open up to my mother but that didn't end well either. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Family doesn't mean blood all the time. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. Disassociate from such toxic parents. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. Friends need to settle their own problems. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. No one to turn to. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. Also develop self-confidence, you are a beautiful, worthy person- a child of God. i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 03, 2020: Talk to a trusted relative about this. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. Strict parents, They are trying to shape me into what they want me to be, How to deal with teenagers?! This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. Don't stay w/toxic family members who don't respect/love you. Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. It started with the lion share of chores. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. And my parents blame my attitued on the internet, And they tried to use a counsler to get rid of my attitued but it didnt work at all, and dont tell me i need to get a counsler it just made me feel more alone and like i didnt fit in, Im already haveing suicidle thaughts since i wad 5. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. Seek counselling so you can heal. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. For more on Carol Weston, visit her website:carolweston.comor like herFacebook page. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. But I don't feel I'm ready yet. That was an example of parental alien affection .., learned this in divorce law how parents pitnchildren against parents.. thats wrong and cruel .. Last report card, I got a C in math. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. And yet I'd be. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. Say so. I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." Anyone else would give up and leave, or at least up to this point everyone has but her. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. At the end of the day I'll just say I never really loved her but I do. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. Not to even mention my life outside work. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. Like there was really no real reason to do anything. Answer: Your family situation is toxic. I'm so depressed right now. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. He should have taken this up with his wife! Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. Your father is insecure as he is threatened by your independence. Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. They're not there to make your life worse. Now it's me and my sister. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. It is FREE! If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. Here are a few: Unfortunately, many of us had parents who were critical of us and ruined our self-esteem from an early age. My meds have stabilized my mood. This led to stunted emotional development and made it hard to have a normal level of self-esteem. I have added 1 more explanantion to why i hate myself beyond rage.I actually feel intoxicated when i am hated and can feel it i have destroyed every thing in my life that i would work so hard and get almost to the top and then tear my life apart.my wife i feel sorry for she loves me so.i tried to ruin that for myself to and my prescous kids .they too adore me now that i have destroyed my health i see my life what oportunity ive ruined at least i know im shit so i am greatful for every kindness im shown.i no longer destryu things. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). So I was destined to be a servant. I'm just frustrated. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . 1 Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. 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